My Son, The Soldier

I got the long-awaited phone call about midnight from my son in Afghanistan. I was so happy to hear his voice. I had an uneasy feeling about him all day and then he called. Call it what you want, but I believe he knew I desperately needed to hear his voice. I know it was an answer to an unspoken prayer. After we talked for just a minute, he was gone.

I got on the internet and did a search on where he is. There are lots of sites relating to his new home. Some tell of the dangerous conditions. Some tell a story of a soldier's tribute to his comrades. Some give facts and information about the region. Some are just funny. You would have to understand how the troops that are engaged in combat missions feel about those who stay at the FOB's (forward operating bases). I'm not saying I understand it all, but I've got the general idea. So, there's a video on YouTube called "Fobbits". It's a rap song about the troops who stay, guard and work only at the FOB. I thought it was funny. I know I have a warped sense of humor, but. . . .I know Trevor would like it. :)

Being a "war mom" is hard. I go from despair to elation to loneliness to thankfulness in a matter of minutes. What's up with that? I am glad my son is a brave soldier. I am proud of him and the work that he does there. But I will be more glad when he is back on American soil. He is doing what he feels he should do for his country and that is something for which I cannot begin to express my gratitude and love for my son.

I looked at my hair closely today. I have a huge gray patch that wasn't there a month ago.

I have to make myself NOT think about my son as a child. I know that he is a man now. But sometimes I still see him as my baby boy. A carefree, happy-go-lucky child. A child who relied on me for everything. A child who brought me more happiness in my life than I thought a livng being could.

I look forward to the day that I can hug his neck and tell him I love him. There's just something about hugs.

I love you, son.

I'm Baaaacckkkk!

After a long hiatus, I've decided I need to get back to writing. I spent some time this evening talking to a good friend and former sister-in-law. She was very young when I was in the family. Amazing how she has matured into a lovely woman. We have a lot in common. I never realized that until tonight.

I have had a lot of people from past years come into my life as of late. Sometims I wonder if that's a sign that I'm coming to the end. I hope not, but if so, it's OK too. I have had the opportunity to apologize to some people that I needed to apologize to. For that I am most grateful. No hard feelings on either side any more.

I have reconnected with childhood friends. I have found that the friends I made as a child have been lasting frienships. Even though I hadn't had contact with many of them in over 3o years, it seems as though we've been able to pick up where we left off. That is just amazing to me. It hasn't been an awkward reconnection as I would have imagined. Wow!! We just caught up on as much as each cared to share and are moving on from there.

And new friends too. Some I've met through my exposure to the blues music life I am so happy living now. And some are younger - friends of my son. But they are all such wonderful, positive people.

No man is an island. And with all the friendships I've rekindled and made recently, I'm not even a peninsula!

Holiest of Days

Just thinking about today being Good Friday and all. It's a very humbling experience to think about what was done on this day so many years ago when Jesus Christ died for the sins of the world without having committed any sin himself. That is true love that he laid down his life for his friends. I want to be his friend, more than anything. I feel so unworthy and I am so unworthy of this perfect love. I will keep trying, though.

Thank you, God, for sending your Son to the earth for me. Thank you, Jesus, for allowing yourself to be killed (if only for a little while) to atone for all my sins. Please forgive me when I have miserably failed in the race of life.

Blue on Blue

Th-th-th-that's all, Ethel.

What will I say, what will I do?

I'll be going to Canada soon to meet a family I've never met - my family. Let me explain. My mother was Canadian. My father was American. I was born in Farmington, New Mexico. My mother died the day I was born and my father's American sister raised my brother and me.

I have only know the paternal side of my family. Don't get me wrong. They are a great family. But I have always longed for more. Maybe it's a female thing. I don't know. But I have always wanted to know more about my maternal family.

I have always know OF them. My maternal grandmother used to write to us and send us birthday cards and gifts, Christmas cards and gifts. I loved her homemade popcorn balls. :) My Aunt Bobby and Aunt Thelma wrote to us when we were kids and kept in touch with my Aunt Dolis, who was raising my brother and me.

I remember one holiday (not sure if it was Thanksgiving or Christmas) when my father was visiting us. We were going to make a call to Canada to talk to my grandmother. Now mind you, this was in the 1960's when international calls were not only expensive, but not the easiest connection. We didn't make contact that day, or any other day.

I have always wanted a relationship with ALL of my family. Before the wonderful internet, it was almost impossible to locate "lost" family members. But then came the internet, the World Wide Web and online geneaology. I found the name of a cousin and was able to find his telephone number in August 2008.

You never know how those things will work out. Would he hang up on me? Think I was a crazy person? Think I was trying to get something?? None of those fears materialized. He was so nice. After we talked, I began receiving calls from many of my cousins. Come to find out, they had been looking for me too!

We are making plans for a big reunion on the family farm. There will be camping, camp fires, and many many stories to be told.

Yet, I am still nervous about meeting them. What will I say? What will I do?? We have made arrangements for two of my cousins to meet me at the airport in Saskatoon and then travel to Unity. I will be there for 5 days. I anticipate that the time will fly by way too fast! But that's OK.

I hope my Mother knows about the reunion.

My First Blue Blog

This is my first attempt at blogging. I read alot of other's blogs and decided I wanted to do my own. Not that I have anything extraordinary to write about, but I do have plenty to say.

I chose "Blue Memphis" as my blog name since it describes my interests at this point in my life. The Blues? The music of the soul. Memphis? Where I am physically located.

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It is a cold, rainy February Saturday in Memphis, Tennessee. The weather suits my mood of the day just fine. I found out a little while ago that my 18-year-old cousin who lives in Michigan had a car accident this morning. Apparently someone hit her. She is now at the hospital undergoing tests. I hope and pray that she will be OK. Her relatively short life has not been easy. She has multiple medical problems that should never befall anyone, much less a young person.

She has the most wonderful little sister. Bri. I have just begun to get acquainted with Bri. Bri also has more than anyone's share of medical issues, but she is so beautiful and so full of life. She loves horses. And she rides and trains them. I can feel her love of animals when we talk about them. She told me that since they are in Michigan, she doesn't get to be with them much during the winter months. She is looking forward to spring when she can ride and train her newest friend.

Bri tells me that she wants to be a lawyer or doctor. I told her I thought she would be good at either or BOTH. I feel so good after I have chatted with her online. For such a young one, she sure has great vibes. I haven't been around her or her siblings much but hope that changes soon. I can see I've missed out on a lot by not knowing them better.

Her dad is in the Air Force Reserves, as well as being a commercial airline pilot. He is leaving today, I think, for two months in the Middle East. His duty to his country calls again. He has served his country well -- first in the Gulf War, now in Afghanistan and Iraq Wars. I can see where Bri gets her beautiful spirit. From her dad. He must be one of the best souls on God's Earth.

Her dad and I pretty much grew up together as kids. Those were wonderful times! He and his little sister spent a lot of time with us. They feel more like siblings than cousins.

Boy, am I rambling or what?

I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful family members. I will write about more of them in the days to come.